The time for the Man Purse has arrived

I was sitting at a meeting and my wallet was driving me crazy.� I was supposed to be thinking about student internships, but all I could think was, “This danged wallet is weighing me down.� I can’t take�it another�minute.”�

I’ve been keeping it in my front pants pocket for the last ten years�since it became apparant that sitting on my wallet was messing up my lower back.� This worked out fine for awhile, but at this meeting…

I just had to get rid of it – get it off my body.� The pressure.� The weight.� My leg was screaming, “Get off me!”� I took it out and put it in my briefcase, and�a sense of relief washed over me like Musak in a bank elevator (I was looking for a money metaphor).� The implications of my own materialistic obsessions aside, I put my cell phone in my brief case, too.

More and more, my brief case – my man purse – is getting used in this way.� It’s a soft vinyl case with a shoulder strap that I’ve been using for neigh fifteen years.� Primarily it’s been used for books and papers, but now it’s geting more personal – besides Wallet and Phone, there are Keys, Glasses, Toothbrushes, and Tissues.� I’m comfortable with the idea of a man purse, though a lifetime of habit still has me occasionally searching for Wallet or�Glasses.�

There are also a few kinks that need to be worked out.� For example, I went biking with my man purse strapped to my bike rack, and threw Keys, Wallet, and Phone in there.� When I got home later in the day, Sherry held up crushed�Phone and said, “Looking for this?”

“Uh, no.”� I hadn’t even known it was gone.� Apparantly�Phone and�Keys made a break for it somewhere over in Kenwood when I’d passed through earlier in the day.� I can see them leaning out that space between the sidewall fabric and the zipper.

“You go first, man.”

“No, you go.”

My money’s on Phone.�

Wallet, being more responsible and loyal, decided to stay in my man purse (does he understand that I’m rejecting him at some level?).� Good boy.�

I think the phone�was run over by a Hummer.� Some guy found both items and was�able to call home with the crushed phone.� Miracle?� Or speed dial?

I have some questions.� I only have the one, but will I start looking for man purses that match my outfits?� My mood?� My shoes?� Will people recognize it for what it truly is, or just think it’s a brief case?� Finally, if they do recognize it as a man purse, will they ridicule me like 3rd graders?� (Please leave answers below.)

The man purse is a work in progress, but I enjoy parading around with nothing in my pockets.� I’m reminded of my wife’s grandmother, who has been becoming more and more confused in recent months.� Mostly, she’d just like to take her clothes off and lay in bed.� I can understand that.

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8 Responses to The time for the Man Purse has arrived

  1. Jocelyn says:

    It’s nice to know impending dementia has its perks. I pretty much just want to take off my clothes and lay in bed, too.

    Your man purse is slick…you should post a photo!

  2. David says:

    I know what you mean, though I haven’t bought a man purse yet. I’m thinking about it. I also browsed the manziers in the men’s intimate apparel section in Kmart the other day. Looks comfy.

    What I do is immediately remove my wallet (from my front pocket) and stash it upon entering the car, the home, or the shop. Ditto for my keys. I keep my Burt’s Bees lip balm and my pocket knife in my pocket at all times.

    Speaking of which, I think I’m probably the only man in modern times that carries a pocket knife. And I use it continually–both at the shop, to open boxes and cut things in a manly way (instead of using girly box cutters), and also in the theater to clean my finger nails and dig popcorn out of my teeth.

    Also speaking of which, my brother Jeff is the only person in the history of the world that has carried a pair of fingernail clippers in his pocket since 7th grade, though presumably not the same pair.

  3. David says:

    I would also like to cast my vote for lying in bed with my clothes off.

  4. Charlie says:

    I say, stay under the radar with only three colors of man purses (pursii?). Black is so yesterday. Get a neutral brown, blue of course, and something flesh tone. That way, no one will notice how well you match right out of the house. But the shoes need to match too.

    The flesh tone is for when you get done just lying in bed and decide to expose yourself to more of the world.

  5. Kylie says:

    I vote for leaving the clothes on.

  6. I would also like to see a photo. I think that if your happy with a man purse than who care. If it helps you out than thats great too. Do what you have to do, there are money clips and that sort oif thing if you really just want to get away from a wallet and that will fit good in the purse. There are so many options to store all your stuff in, get one that zips than you won’t have to worry about losing things.

  7. Tony says:

    Lets leave the clothes on, but steve I am with you on the man purse sounds slick and stylish, and if it matched your shoes and oufit for that day, theres no tellin what could happen.

  8. jsmaier says:

    Good idea actually-mazieres lol. Reminiscent of “Seinfeld” of course, but how I love that disheveled Kramer. I think it’s a good idea the man-purse although matching it too outfits may take it a bit too far. lol. I have one purse sadly (what kind of purse carrying female does that make me?) I also don’t have a giant closet of shoes. A few pairs for every occasion, but all of them are black. Gender gender. No preconceived notions here. I stick to the scale and plant myself somewhere smack dab in the middle. It’s more comfy in the gray area.

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